Two Meander

Adventures with Debra and Robert

Behind the Scenes

Turning 60 and Transforming Hard Days into Light and Love

photo of Debra overlooking canyon vista

photo of Debra and Robert celebrating

I am not doing well today. Some days, my trying to think is like trying to run through thick mud or drying concrete. It just doesn’t work very well. I sometimes compare these days to slow, slow internet. You know, where you type in a URL, press enter and it doesn’t “go” anywhere. Presumably the gears are turning, it’s trying, but there’s nothing for it to connect to or the signal is so weak eventually you get a “timed out” message. Yeah, well, that’s me today. Actually, lately, that’s me more times than not, and it is very, very frustrating, sometimes even scary.

Yet, this past weekend I got to go to the Bighorns with my honey. We saw moose, dear, marmots, all kinds of critters, and I got to ride on the back of a dirt bike for a short trek. I got to meet some AWEmazing people and have fun around a campfire. I climbed trails and rocks and saw canyon vistas that stretched hundreds of miles. I got to sleep, laugh, walk and relax.
(Watch for our Fun Friday video, Episode 129.)

photo of moose photo of mule deer photo of marmotphoto of campfire

Life is Yen and Yang. Always has been, always will be. Add a brain injury or complicate life with anything similar (we all have our own stories), and life can be frustrating. But there is always, always, always something to be grateful for.

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. I celebrated my 60th. And I do mean, celebrated. (Watch for my birthday celebration video on Wednesday Wow, Episode 128.) The doctors were wrong. I made it, and I was aware of my surroundings. I was not the vegetable they had predicted. I breathed in the fresh morning air, watched a vigorous lightning show at night, and enjoyed the cool breeze blowing in my hair during the day.

photo of Debra overlooking canyon vista

Robert had one of his most relaxing days ever while we were there. Here is his video about that on his channel:

And … I missed my family members (including friends I gratefully call family) that weren’t there (human and furry). I missed the ones no longer in my life due to death. I missed the ones that have walked away, purposefully leaving me behind. And I missed the loved ones that I just don’t get to see that often due to logistics. And … I celebrated those that I could be with.

I did all that and yet our time in the mountains wasn’t the quiet and peaceful respite I longed for. There was too much traffic —too many people and too many ATVs— even 20 miles off pavement. I came back to the city not as rested and healed as was needed. Both Robert and I have tons to do. Here is a partial list for me. I won’t even pretend to know how long his list is or what it entails. I need to (in no particular order) ….

– Get legal. Yikes! (join or watch the LIVE Chat tonight to find out more, 7P, mountain time)
– Get ready for the live chat tonight
– Do laundry
– Color my hair (a self-imposed task that will help me feel better)
– Film a couple of videos with Dr. DeMille (aka Robert)
– Keep a couple of doctor appointments
– Catch up on correspondence for Two Meander (the Health Quest Challenge Group, our FB page, IG, YT comments, email, marketing, etc.)
– Reach my daily, personal health goals
– Journal, pray, meditate (on-going, every day, not often enough)
– Write (I still need to finish my book!)
– Put up groceries that my loving partner went to the store and got (never mind, he already put up the groceries while I was writing this list)
– Eat
– Clean – the apartment and the van
– Make curtains for the van
– Prepare to live in the van again fulltime (cull, organize, move things back in)

And … all I want to do is crawl back in to bed.

My list is nothing compared to some. I get that. I used to be able to do all of that. All of this would have been just a normal day or week for me. Before. Today, I will settle for whatever I get. When your brain is stuck, and it is also floating in a sea of vertigo, everything is overwhelming. Even staying upright.

So, I write. And I am so VERY grateful to still be able to write. I can’t read anymore. I miss that. What is really odd is that I can’t even edit my own stories after I’ve written them. That requires reading. I can read short articles or blurbs, but following a story line in written word was one of the first capabilities I lost. So, I have a close circle of friends that help me with that, and I get to publish. I am blessed.

And, all of this makes me cranky sometimes. Like today. I can’t even carry on a normal conversation. Words thrown at me have to be minimal and the concepts kept simple. And I get snappy. I was in the midst of all of this when a friend posted the following meme online. Actually, it was posted by my new Trustee on his church’s FB page. I love it. I needed it. I love him.

meme photo of spillage

God and Spirit always give us what we need if we take time to connect in that. That meme posted by my friend David allowed me the pause I needed to be able to connect with Spirit, with God, and to ask for help.

That then set off a chain reaction of connecting in Spirit. Below was my next reading (from the Daily Word).

From there, I began writing this article. I don’t know why. It’s just something I feel compelled to share. Maybe my experience will help someone else. I don’t know. What I do know is that there is always, always, always something to be grateful for. And it is always, always, always a choice.

While writing this article, I heard from a friend who recently lost their father, I heard from another friend who is suffering from TIA symptoms, I missed a call from my cousin who has MS, and my sweetheart walked in the door from the grocery store and handed me roses.

photo of rose bouqet

We all have our stories and July is a difficult month for Robert, especially this week — the week he lost his beloved Terri to cancer six years ago.

photo of Robert and Terri

Yet he brought me roses. Love at its best. And he is fixing lunch because I’m stuck in this stupid chair. I will not stay stuck. I will honor those just mentioned and any others struggling today. I will do what I can and I will give love back.

I was toxic this morning as my day began. I was spilling over with anger, bitterness, and harsh reactions. I worked on transforming that. I chose to transform it. If I can change my day to gratitude and love so can you dear ones. Make good choices today and know that you are loved beyond belief. Always.

meme photo of Henry David Thoreau quote

from the Daily Word…
Inner peace is my choice.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018

I have the power to claim my own peace within at any time and with any situation. What I visualize creates waves of energy that move outward, affecting everything around me. So when I choose a peaceful way of being, then peace is what I contribute to the world at large.

This becomes even more important in times of stress or strife. If I am disturbed by something or someone’s actions, I decide how I will respond. I pause and take a breath. I remember that divine order is always at work in all things. I connect with my heart and follow my feelings to their source.

Uncovering fears or frustrations allows me to truly find peace within. My own inner peace, in turn, helps create peace in the world.

Inner peace is my choice.

Seek peace, and pursue it.—Psalm 34:14

6 Comments

  1. Calvin Rittenhouse

    I’m glad you’re still writing the blog. Ironically enough, I can mostly work with the written word these days. I miss the point of Instagram postings most of the time (always did) and don’t have the focus for videos over a few minutes. I play to my strengths when I can decipher what they are. That helps. Today, the air has thinned out enough for me to breathe and I’ve been going places. We’re just about past the middle of summer, so I should be getting more of these good days.

    • Thank you Calvin. Glad to hear that you anticipate more good days, and that you have days of being able to play to your strengths. Those moments are gold for us. KOKO!

  2. Joan

    Deborah, that was a beautiful blog. It is so wonderful you have love on your life. It makes everything sweet.

    • Thank you, Joan! Yes, I am very blessed with beautiful people, support and love in my life. I try not to take any of that or a single day for granted. Sending you great love and big hugZ. KOKO!

  3. Nana B aka LindaB

    Well said Dear One.
    Through the rush of life we all must slow down and offer time for inner peace to heal our body and soul. I often find myself torn as I want to keep doing my life as it was prior to my accident, yet my TBI reminds me my brain can’t. Thank you for these written reminders. I will print them and place this in my journal.
    Thank you for taking the time to share this golden nugget of wisdom. Love U More

    • My dearest Linda, it is YOU who inspires me so I am humbled by your comment. I have often wondered had I been able to complete medical school how many people I might have been able to help. Then I read something like what you just wrote and it makes it all worth it somehow. I know exactly what you mean about living the life we had before and not being able to. I constantly forget and then pay the price for the lapse in judgment. It reminds me of how people say their minds still “think” young but their body just doesn’t cooperate anymore due to age. Mine is the opposite … I feel just fine but my brain doesn’t cooperate and when I push it too far, my body even then collapses. The brain is a strange and AWEmazing organ. We are AWEmazing, complex human BEINGS. That may be the key right there. Be, however and whateve that looks like, instead of do … an illusive balance … at least for me. I love you mostest dearest. Thank you again. xoxo

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